here
by Charged as Guilty
Summary: He woke up to the smell of toast, just like every other day.
1. Chapter 1

He woke up to the smell of toast, just like every other day.

Smile on his face, Adachi slowly stretched, freezing as his shoulder popped painfully. Grumbling and seething, he gripped tightly onto his shoulder and rolled onto his side, curling up into a ball cursing to himself. He heard footsteps shuffling into the room, the smell of toast stronger, his stomach rumbling.

He heard a short scoff, the sound of a plate being placed on the bedside drawer before he was lightly lifted into a sitting position.

"You aggravated it again, didn't you?" Souji mumbled behind him, lips pressed lightly against his fingers that were still holding onto his pained shoulder. "You have to be more careful."

"All I did was stretch..." he grumbled, moving his fingers until he managed to bop the younger man on the nose. A smirk rose on his face as Souji sighed, and he could feel the younger man rolling his eyes before he slid back off the bed. Adachi rubbed the back of his neck, smirk softening into a smile as Souji held a plate in front of him. Buttered toast covered in jam sat on one side of the plate, scrambled eggs and bacon neatly separated on the other side.

He rested the plate on his lap, chewing into the toast as Souji watched, grinning triumphantly as he snatched a piece of bacon and plopped it into his mouth. Adachi shook his head softly, continuing to bite into his breakfast slowly before he paused, swallowing his bite as he looked to the younger man. They stared for a moment, before a wicked grin encased Adachi's lips.

"Did you forget the coffee again?"

Souji's face fell quickly, the younger man stepping out of the room and back into the kitchen, Adachi laughing as he heard the man patter around. Souji yelled desperately at him to shut up, only causing him to laugh harder, resulting in Souji whining loudly. Souji continued his never-ending whine, even when he stalked into the room, coffee mug in hand. He only stopped when Adachi pulled him down for a quick kiss. Souji carefully placed the mug on the drawer, crawling onto the bed and snatching another piece of bacon as he sat next to Adachi, leaning on the man's shoulder. The two continued to share their breakfast, the duo feeding each other a slice of toast, nudging each other and smiling like idiots, enticing in a war with their feet, coffee passed between them, soft kisses shared every other second. This continued on for minutes, their faces tinted pink from laughing and comfort. It was broken when Souji reached for the final piece of bacon only to be met with nothing but a cold, hard plate under his fingers.

He looked in confusion, Adachi cocking an eyebrow, smirk glued to his face where the bacon sit perched between his lips. Souji stared, their eyes meeting and locking, the younger man never looking away as he took the plate from Adachi's hand and placed it next to the now-empty mug on the drawer. Adachi allowed the younger man to push him against the wall from where he sat, Souji's hands pressed firmly on his shoulders as he leaned in. Souji tilted his head slightly, taking a bite of the meat before crashing his lips onto Adachi's. They were back to smiles and giggles when they had to stop the kiss, quickly chewing and swallowing the food before Souji was back to furiously kissing the older man. Their hands wandered across each other's bodies, snapping and dipping into the waistbands of their boxers, Souji's back arching when Adachi groped him just right.

Adachi grinned when Souji pouted, which only made him pout more. He brought the younger man down for another kiss, dragging his fingers through Souji's hair and sliding his hand up and down the younger man's back. Souji arched again, his chest hot against Adachi's, the two laughing when their foreheads knocked together lightly. It didn't take long until their only article of clothing was lowered, either sitting past their knees or clinging desperately onto one leg. Adachi could only hold onto Souji's waist, watching the younger man's glowing face as he rode him. Their heavy breaths and quiet moans never stopped the smiles and laughs, and the laughs and smiles never stopped their quiet moans and heavy breaths. Adachi's hands would travel to stroke, to explore, to squeeze, but he never took his eyes away from Souji's. Souji never looked away, either, love shining bright in his eyes as he looked down at the older man. Their cries of pleasure grew louder, the laughing still there, but faded quietly in between as their bodies rocked harder, their panting messier, their bodies quivering, hands gripping instead of exploring. Adachi let out a shudder, his head rolling back as his body twitched in ecstasy, Souji following him to his peak shortly after.

Adachi held Souji in a light hug as he leaned into his chest, laughing past his heavy breaths. It didn't take long for the room to be filled to the brim with giggles, the men slowly sliding off the bed in over-exaggerated motions before Adachi started chasing Souji to the bathroom, hugging him tightly by the waist and picking him up off the floor before placing him back down, planting kisses down his neck to his shoulder, the younger man laughing all the while.

It took them minutes of Adachi holding onto the younger man, planting kisses over every area he could reach, until Souji finally managed to get loose and start the shower. It ended up being long, the two with arms draped over the other's neck, laughing and humming and swaying under the warm water.

"Wish we were on a street, just dancing in the rain." Souji mumbled, beaming. "Next time it rains, we should do it!"

Adachi smirked, eyeing the younger man in bemusement. "We gonna be doing it naked then, too?"

"Oh, shut up."

The water rolled down their bodies, light conversations ringing past the pattering of the water. The only time they started to move and wash themselves was when Souji started whining about his fingers pruning. Adachi could only laugh as he started to rub shampoo in the younger man's hair, who continued to whine until the soap fell into his mouth. Adachi only laughed harder. Souji was still pouting when they finished the shower, crossing his arms and not moving, not even when Adachi threw a towel over his head. Adachi looked on in amusement, before shrugging and drying himself off, quickly changing into clean clothes. As he fumbled with his tie, he leaned to look into the bathroom. Souji hadn't moved an inch.

"Guess I'll just go get those little cakes without you," Adachi hummed, watching Souji's face light up in surprise before it disappeared behind the wall as Adachi turned back to head into the kitchen. He heard Souji fumble around in the bedroom, cursing and muttering under his breath. Adachi slowly sauntered into the living room, swiping his keys off the table before pausing, eyeing the bottle of pills that had been sitting close by. He hadn't seen the bottle move in days.

He looked over his shoulder in concern as he heard Souji enter the room, continuing to silently curse as he buttoned up his shirt. Souji stopped, looking up in confusion when he felt Adachi staring at him. He cocked his head to the side, eyebrows stitching together.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Have you been taking your pills?" Adachi straightened, nodding silently to the bottle on the table.

Souji stared, ever so slowly buttoning the last remaining buttons. The younger man continued to stare, hands faltering on the last button as he blinked slowly.

"Oh, it's fine!" the younger man suddenly said, smile plastered on his face as he jumped and started to push Adachi to the door. "Don't be such a worrywart."

"Souj—"

Souji pushed the man even harder. "Cake, cake, cake!"

Adachi stumbled, stammering over his words as he tried to find how to get Souji to talk. With the younger man's eagerness for sweets—to ignore the conversation—Adachi decided to leave it be for the time being. Slipping on his shoes, the two headed outside, Adachi fumbling with the key as he locked the door behind them. He watched as Souji skipped ahead, bright smile on his face, eyes glowing with excitement as he looked up the stairs to the older man.

"Hurry up! Jeeze, now I get why Uncle always complained when you went to get his coffee. You're so sloooooow!"

Adachi dramatically put a hand to his heart. "I am so hurt by your words, I don't think I can move on from this spot. I'll just stay here for the rest of the day."

Souji stopped on the stairs, looking up at Adachi solemnly, mumbling to himself before rolling his eyes. "Fine, I'm sorry, oh majestic master of mine."

"And?"

"And I won't say it again."

"Aaand?"

"Aaand I'll buy some whipped cream on the way home?"

Adachi clicked his tongue at Souji's suggestive gaze, smirk forming as he moved from his spot and circled around the stairs, dropping his arm over Souji's shoulders as they made their way down the steps."Deal," he hummed, Souji beaming, a blush cornering his cheeks as they made their way down the street.


	2. Chapter 2

They were greeted to the light and heartwarming smell of pastries and freshly baked bread. Souji was practically glowing, fluttering through the store as he observed the displays of cookies, muffins and cakes. The small amount of customers watched him for a short moment until they turned back to their tables, continuing their treats in silence. Souji puttered around, humming to himself and making light conversation with the workers before skipping back to Adachi's side, linking their arms together as they made their way back up to order. Adachi took a quick glance at the showcase, just in case he wanted to order something different than his usual.

"One slice of chocolate cake, please!" Souji beamed, turning expectantly to Adachi, who rolled his eyes.

"And one strawberry roll for me, thanks. Both to stay."

"I knew it!" Souji whispered triumphantly under his breath, Adachi rolling his eyes again as he grabbed his wallet out of his coat pocket, thanking the cashier again as she handed them their orders after he paid.

The duo trekked to their favourite table in the corner, surrounded by a window on two sides. Souji hummed to himself as they sat down, immediately glancing out the window, eyes bright as he watched people stroll by. Adachi could feel the glances of the stray customers throughout the store, deciding to ignore them and smile at his boyfriend's antics, resting his face in the palm of his hand as he grabbed a forkful of his treat and ate it, watching Souji the entire time. Conversation was silent at their table, Adachi continuing to watch Souji with half-lidded eyes and a light smile, while Souji continued to observe the people outside happily.

Minutes passed, the two eating their cakes silently and slowly. Souji dug his fork to the plate, nearly falling over himself in confusion as he smacked the fork into the table instead. Adachi snorted, placing a hand to hover over his mouth as he tried to finish his bite without spitting it out or swallowing it wrong. Souji whined, turning to him blushing, fumbling with his fork until he managed to get a slab of cake in his mouth. Adachi continued to try to hold back from laughing out loud, snickering into his fist as he struggled to get the cake down.

Souji pouted, lightly kicking Adachi's foot under the table. The detective cocked an eyebrow and a playful smirk, lightly kicking back. The two continued playing their game of footsie for a moment before they heard a scoff from nearby.

"Look at those fuckin' freaks."

Adachi froze, slowly turning to look at a couple at another table, the man glaring at him as he spoke again, the girlfriend eyeing them in disgust.

"Should learn their fuckin' places, if you ask me."

Adachi scowled, hands curling into fists. He was about to stand before Souji's hands clasped over is, and he looked to his boyfriend, feeling as if he'd been punched in the gut at Souji's forlorn expression.

"Let's just go..." the younger man mumbled, sliding out of his seat and leading Adachi silently out of the store.

Souji dragged his hand down Adachi's arm when they were outside, his fingers hanging off of the detective's before his hand dropped to his side. Adachi looked at him in concern, draping an arm over his shoulder and pulling him into a hug as they stalked away from the cake shop. Souji nuzzled his head lightly into Adachi's shoulder, but his posture and spirit was still fallen and downcast. Adachi grit his teeth, looking back at the shop, cursing under his breath.

"It's not worth it..." Souji mumbled. "It'd just make him think we're bigger freaks..."

"Souji..." Adachi's heart dropped, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I'm... I'm sorry."

He curled his fingers tight around Souji's shoulder, holding the younger man as close as he could without making the walk awkward. The world chimed around them, strangers laughing and conversing as they passed, vehicles speeding by, birds singing dutifully. The sky was shining a brilliant blue, the sun burning into their backs as they headed down the street. Adachi glanced down at his boyfriend, concern fluttering in his stomach at Souji's downcast expression and depressed mood. The rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, trying to muster up something to say to cheer Souji up. A slow, tiny smile perched on his lips and he leaned to whisper in Souji's ear.

"How 'bout I buy the whipped cream?"

Souji stifled a snort, raising his head and looking at the man with a crookedly tired grin. There was a pause, Adachi watching the subtle shifts in Souji's face as the younger man thought.

"Deal," was the meek reply.

Adachi's smile grew softly and he placed a short kiss on top of Souji's head. Souji sighed lightly and let his head rest back on Adachi's shoulder as they continued their trek, now at least with another destination in mind. The scenery continued to buzz around them, people chattering, birds chirping, sun burning. Adachi zoned out as they walked, mindlessly staring blankly ahead as they walked, barely focusing on his surroundings and waiting for the familiar store banner to appear in his sight before he connected back to reality. God, how he wanted to go back and punch that asshole in the face...

Minutes passed and the store rounded into his vision. About to open his mouth to say something, he jumped in surprise at Souji suddenly gasping, the younger man squealing and clapping softly as he stepped forward. Adachi stood on his tip-toes and peered over Souji's shoulder as he looked on in confusion. Souji made short conversation with someone nearby before squatting down, squealing happily. Adachi stalked over, an amused laugh erupting from him at the sight of a kitten on a leash, playfully crawling into Souji's hands, who was petting the feline with glee. Souji looked up to the detective, nodding lightly in the direction of the store before making conversation with the cat's owner, who was laughing and looked glad to converse with him.

Reaching down and scratching the kitten's head with a finger, Adachi grinned and nodded at the owner before stepping away and into the convenience store. He quickly nodded to the cashier in greeting, stepping around an oblivious customer as he scanned the aisles. He puttered, muttering the tags under his breath as his eyes darted the shelves, row after row until he nearly tripped mid-step after finding the whipped cream, about to walk away from it. He grabbed a can and fluttered through the aisles, grabbing a couple of snacks for later before standing in line.

Glancing out the window, he noticed the woman with the cat had left, Souji standing and looking at his phone absentmindedly. Adachi could tell the younger man's demeanour was completely uplifted and glowing compared to moments ago. He smiled and turned back to the line, bouncing lightly on the spot as the line slowly started to move. He was about third in line when there was a sharp thud from outside, followed by yelling, everyone turning to look at the window. Adachi's eyes widened in fury and fear at the sight of the couple from the cake shop holding Souji up against it by his collar. Quickly slamming his items on the free space on the counter, Adachi bolted out of the store, managing to wrestle the man away, struggling with him as the man hollered obscenities and slurs. The woman started screeching, digging her nails into Adachi's arms with one hand and using her other one to smack him with. Managing to push her away, Adachi tried to pin the man to the ground, only to gasp as he was suddenly struck to the gut by an elbow.

Coughing and gagging, he keeled over before he found himself on the pavement, wheezing at the sharp pain surging through his face. He heard Souji weeping, and could see the younger man struggling to stop the man from advancing back to Adachi. The pain was suddenly swept under the rug in a fuming rage when he watched the man turn and punch Souji, who stumbled and fell backwards as the girlfriend laughed and sneered.

Jumping to his feet, Adachi shoved the man onto the sidewalk, pinning him to the floor and positioning his hands behind his back, kneeling on them harshly. Keeping the man's head down by pressing harshly with tense fingers, his hand turning white from the pressure, he turned to glare at the woman who had started punching him once more. She faltered, dropping her purse to the floor and taking a couple steps back, but continued to scream, yelling at the surrounding crowd to call the cops on him and Souji.

Ignoring her and the surrounding people, Adachi looked at his boyfriend. Souji was still toppled on the ground in a daze, hand hovering over his cheek as his eyes stared unfocused ahead.

"Souji," he spoke quietly, the young man perking up and looking at him distantly. "Hey, hey, you okay? It's gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay."

Souji blinked at him slowly, before looking back to into the distance, not saying a word.


	3. Chapter 3

It was late when they got home, Adachi figured somewhere in the early morning, but he wasn't certain and didn't feel like checking. He held Souji close in a hug as they stumbled into the house, exhaustion overpowering their bodies as they slipped out of their shoes, Adachi locking the door as Souji dragged himself inside, disappearing around the corner into the kitchen.

Adachi sighed in the heavy silence, tossing his keys onto the living room table, absentmindedly scratching the bandage on his cheek, stopping when Souji stepped in front of him, grabbing his wrist.

"Don't," Souji muttered, pulling Adachi's hand to his side. "You don't want to make it worse."

Adachi pouted. "It itches," he whined, before his features softened in concern, brushing stray hairs behind Souji's ear. "Are you okay?"

They hadn't bothered turning on any lights, and Adachi couldn't help but feel helpless at Souji's tired and distant expression. Souji was quiet for a long while, before grunting in reply and turning away, stalking off into the bedroom without a word. Adachi sighed again, rubbing his hands through his hair in exasperation, slowly following the younger man. The sound of running water cornered his ears and he peered into the bathroom, Souji with his hands gripping onto the edge of the sink as he stared into the mirror, his face dripping with water. Throwing his shirt onto the floor and sliding out of his pants, Adachi threw back the blankets on the bed and grabbed the plates from their breakfast, quickly dropping them on the counter in the kitchen.

He stepped back into the bedroom, pausing as he peered back into the bathroom. Souji hadn't moved, continuing to grip so tightly on the sink his knuckles were turning white, the younger man merely watching himself in the mirror as the water ran. Adachi walked up behind him, pulling him into a soft hug, resting his forehead on Souji's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, voice cracking past their quiet conversation.

Souji didn't respond, Adachi moving with him slightly as the younger man leaned forward. Adachi could feel he'd lowered his head, and his body had started to tremble. Adachi grit his teeth, pulling his boyfriend closer into the hug, as if it could stop Souji from crying. It tore him apart to see the younger man upset.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Souji," he repeated, and he could feel tears welling up in his eyes as Souji sobbed, heartbroken and frightened gasps and chokes trembling out of him.

It didn't take long before Souji's cries overpowered the sound of the running water, the younger man's knees giving way. Adachi carefully sat him on the floor, turning off the taps before kneeling back down to the distraught man. Souji pulled him into a heavy hug, crying heavily into Adachi's shoulder, digging his nails into his bare back like the world was gonna collapse if he didn't.

They sat like that for what seemed like hours, Adachi continuing to console the younger man, murmuring apologies and 'I love you's' countless amounts of time as Souji sobbed uncontrollably. The jumps and skips in Souji's voice as he struggled to speak only made Adachi bury his head into the crook of Souji's neck, shaking his head and apologizing over and over. Souji's words collapsed into whimpers and cries. In this moment, they were nothing more than a quivering mess of broken hearts and unfiltered agony.

They were gripping onto each other so tight—their skin was already starting to bruise.

When their tears were reduced to hiccups and quiet sniffles, Adachi slowly and hesitantly pulled away, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm before rubbing his thumb across Souji's cheek. He gave the younger man a sorry smile, removing Souji's arms that still held him in a hug and lightly lifted him off the ground. Leading Souji into the bedroom, he silently helped remove his clothes before taking off his own.

"You need advil?" he questioned, lightly rubbing his own temples as he felt the incoming headache.

Souji merely nodded dimly as he crawled into bed, Adachi watching him sadly before retreating to the kitchen. Rubbing his face in his hands, he surfed through the cupboards and grabbed a tall glass, shoving it under the tap and filling it with water as he surfed through a drawer for their painkillers. He paused as he picked up a bottle, his body tensing as he found himself looking over his shoulder back into the living room. Reflected in the dim lighting from the window, he could see bottle of anti-depressants on the coffee table and he swallowed the lump that rose in his throat. Silently, he stalked into the living room and grabbed the bottle before whisking back into the kitchen and turning off the tap, taking the water and pills into the bedroom.

Placing the glass on the bedside table, he opened up the bottle of painkillers and swallowed two dry, before fishing two out for Souji, who took them silently, downing them with a sip of water. Adachi watched as Souji placed the glass back down, before placing both bottles of pills next to it. He watched as Souji eyed the anti-depressants dryly for a moment, then he turned over and slid under the blankets, covering his head with them. Adachi looking at the form under the blankets before he turned, flicking off the lights in the bathroom and bedroom before crawling into his side of the bed. He shifted himself as close to Souji as he could, even throwing the covers over his head and frowning at how he was immediately swamped with warm, stale air. Trying to ignore it, he held the younger man in a light hug, his forehead dipping into the nape of Souji's neck.

He whispered again after a moment of silence, "...I'm sorry."

Souji shifted, gripping onto Adachi's hands which were wrapped around his torso. Adachi could feel Souji's heightened pulse, still frantic from crying. He was warm to touch, goosebumps running up Adachi's arms at how _warm_ it was under the blankets with Souji. How the younger man could stand it, he couldn't understand.

He loosened his grip around Souji as the younger man squirmed to roll around. They locked eyes when Souji settled, small smile falling on Adachi's lips as he brushed stray hairs behind Souji's ear. Souji glanced away, before shifting closer, their noses barely touching, their breaths bouncing off each other. Souji brought his gaze back to Adachi's, and the two watched each other, reading and identifying as well as they could in the brush of darkness.

Souji sighed after a while, pushing Adachi to lie on his back, pulling the covers down so their faces greeted the cold air of the room. Soundlessly, he rested his head on Adachi's chest, the detective, lightly brushing his fingers through Souji's hair.

"I love you," Souji murmured tiredly. "I love you."

A gentle sigh fell from Adachi as he closed his eyes, continuing to stroke his fingers through Souji's hair. "I love you, too."

Adachi didn't sleep right away—taking in his surroundings as he breathed heavily. His eyes still burned from his tears, headache numbing down, but still beating against his skull. He could hear Souji sniff periodically, and found himself doing it too. He remembered thinking he should have washed his face as he felt the crusted tears itch on his skin, irritating the stitches under the bandage on his cheek. He thought about scratching it, but he didn't stir. Souji's calmed breathing echoed in his ears, his breaths tickling his skin. It was enough of a lullaby to send him drifting to sleep.

It didn't last long. He woke up in a daze, lying on his stomach, sprawled out a cross the bed. A shiver immediately shot through his body. This wasn't right. This meant Souji had been gone for a long time. Scrambling out of bed, Adachi turned on the lamp on the bedside desk, cursing as he slammed his knee into the corner of an open drawer, the glass of water from earlier tipping and spilling onto the bed. Seething as he leaned on the desk in pain, his blood ran cold at the sight of what was in the drawer. Reaching down, he pulled out a piece of ripped paper with a shaky hand. The handwriting on it was scrawled in a hurry, and he could see the stain of tears, the ink leaking in bubbles.

" _i love you. im sorry_ "

He threw the paper aside and dug through the drawer, the pain in his knee thrown to the back of his mind as his heart raced in panic. His gun was gone. Throwing on his pants and grabbing his jacket off the floor, he bolted out of the bedroom, heart hammering and legs shaking and nausea overcoming his entire being. He froze as he walked into the living room—the lamp was on, and Souji was sitting on the couch, twirling the gun in his hand—gaze focused on nothing but the weapon.

"Souji—" he started, his voice coming out in a choked waver.

Souji jumped, and Adachi could see his face pale considerably, deadpan expression quickly jumping to surprise and panic. The younger man started to trembling, slowly shaking his head as he stared at Adachi.

"No, no, no, no, no, you can't see this! You're supposed to be sleeping—y-you can't be here! G-G-Go b-back to sleep!" his voice cracked and raised in panic, Souji clambering completely onto the couch as if to get away from the detective, as if he was trying to disappear into the furniture.

Shock overcame him, and Adachi found himself unable to move at the sight of his boyfriend so terrified... of him. Of this. He couldn't tear his eyes away at the sight of Souji curling up defensively on the couch, trembling and staring at him like a deer caught in the headlights. Suddenly, he brought the gun to his head and Adachi felt his heart jump to his throat as he started to move towards him.

"NO!" he froze at Souji's yell, the younger man closing his eyes, the gun shaking wildly against his head. "J-J-J-Just g-g-g-go b-b-back to s-sleep! O-Or c-close your e-eyes! I-I-I was almost ready! D-Don't look! Don't l-look at m-me!"

His heart was pounding so fast in his chest, it was all he could feel. The chills down his spine, the hardwood floor under his bare feet, the cool air, the sweat rolling down his brow, they were all muted and dull compared to his racing heart. He found himself unable to breath, frozen in place once again, only able to watch Souji hold the gun to his head, trembling mercilessly. He was screaming at himself, crying, screeching, demanding to move— _move—_ but his legs didn't budge, his body didn't waver. Time seemed to stop, the rattling of the gun in Souji's hand the only sound he could hear past his heart.

Bowing his head, eyes still closed, Souji sobbed, "D-Don't... d-don't leave me... I'm s-scared... I..."

Adachi felt the breath fill his lungs and he stepped to Souji in quick steps, lightly taking the gun and placing it on the table nearby, before grabbing and squeezing Souji in a crushing hug as he cried again, weeping into Souji's shoulder.

"I'm not g-going anywhere, o-okay?" he whispered. "Y-You're not leaving me, either... Shit, Souji, I was so scared... I was so scared..."

"I'm sorry—" Souji wailed, his voice echoing along the walls. "I-I'm s-so sorry...!"

Adachi blinked in surprise when Souji suddenly pushed him back, only for the younger man to grab his face and pull him into a kiss. He reacted into it immediately, hugging Souji as close as he could. The kiss was desperate. Scared.

They pulled apart quickly, Souji burying his head in Adachi's chest as the man lifted him up, carrying him back to the bedroom. He placed Souji on his side of the bed before scrambling to his side, cursing silently as he felt his arm sink into the wet remnants of the spilled glass. He ignored it and pushed himself as close to Souji as possible, squeezing their bodies together as much as he could.

Adachi closed his eyes tightly, brushing his forehead against Souji's as he felt himself crying again."I love you. I love you so much. I love you..."

He repeated the phrase throughout the night.


	4. Chapter 4

He woke up to the smell of toast, and heard a string of muttered curses.

Blinking groggily, Souji rubbed his eyes and slowly propped himself up on his elbows, glancing around in confusion as Adachi wasn't in bed. He observed the room past his sleepy haze, realizing it was extremely bright outside before he was squinting at the alarm clock on his bed-side table. His eyes widened in shock—10:17, it read.

About to throw the covers off, he froze, the events of last night suddenly flooding over him like a wave. He sunk back down into the covers, staring at the ceiling blankly, blinking slowly as the scene unfolded in his mind. It felt so distant, like it had been nothing but a bad dream. Recalling the events—not being able to fall asleep even after Adachi did, slowly leaving the bed and doing his best not to disturb his sleeping boyfriend. He went to the living room and sat on the couch, picking at the furniture. The pacing around the apartment he did moments later was hectic and disjointed—he remembered it feeling like he was floating aimlessly, rounding the apartment multiple times until he stepped back into the bedroom, staring at his lover on the bed who was now sprawled out and drooling onto the pillows.

It was the perfect opportunity, he thought, Adachi wouldn't have to see a thing. He'd see the aftermath, of course, but there was no helping that. Adachi deserved better than him. Adachi needed better than him. He loved the man with all his heart, and he knew Adachi was the same with him, but there was so much Adachi would be able to do without him. He was nothing but a freak. A useless freak.

He didn't register the fact that he was crying when he walked back into the living room and ripped out a piece of blank paper from one of Adachi's books, only noticing when his tears fell on the paper and stained into the ink of his hastily written message. He returned to the bedroom, hesitating before he quickly opened the drawer with Adachi's gun, snatching the weapon and putting the note in it's place. The glass of water shook with the force, and Adachi mumbled. Souji froze, heart hammering as he watched Adachi closely, the man smacking his lips in his sleep before resuming to breathe through his mouth.

He continued to watch his sleeping lover, cradling the gun to his chest as his heart clenched in guilt. He was going to hurt Adachi so much by doing this, but... it would be better. It had to be better. There would be no more pain for either of them. Adachi would love again, but Souji barely had the chance to love the first time. He barely had the chance to love his only time. He was a wreck—constantly paranoid, terrified, petrified. He loved Adachi with all his heart, but his heart was mortified by the world.

He didn't remember walking back to the living room, he just knew he was sitting on the couch, looking down at the gun. The tears fell onto the weapon, bouncing off in nonrhythmic splashes as he trembled. His lip quivered heavily as he put it up to his temple, finger hovering in front of the trigger. He shut his eyes and went to pull the trigger, only to freeze. He couldn't do it; it would break Adachi's heart. He was going to hurt the man he loved so much. The gun was back on his lap as he cried, and he tried to calm himself. It would be better this way—it had to be. Even Nanako and Dojima would get over him. Yosuke and Chie and Kanji, everybody would forget about him. He didn't need to be remembered by them. Everyone was better off with him gone.

He was useless.

He sat there, staring down at the gun, listing off reasons why it would be better for everybody if he just pulled the trigger. He went through everybody he knew, saving Adachi for last. He was finally starting to calm down when he got to Yosuke, his tears dried and his body relaxed. The gun gleamed in the light of the lamp he didn't remember turning on, and he was finally starting Adachi's list.

He deserves better. He will find better. He can find anybody. He's a detective, and you're useless. You don't even have a job. He wastes all of his money on you. You know he wants to surprise you with a cat for your birthday, and you know he doesn't have the funds for it. He hates seeing you sad. He wouldn't have to see you be sad ever again...

"Souji."

He jumped, breathing heavily as he was brought out of his memories. He looked to the doorway in a panic, Adachi looking at him worriedly before rushing over. The plate he was carrying was placed on the table as Adachi crawled onto the bed, sitting him up and holding him by the shoulders.

"Are you okay?" his question was filled with so much love and concern, Souji found his lip trembling.

"I'm an idiot," he whispered. "I'm so sorry. I'm s—"

Adachi interrupted, pulling Souji into a kiss. He wanted to wrap his arms around the detective's neck, but they lay uselessly at his sides, his mind going blank as he melted into the kiss. It was filled with desperation and warmth. He was such a fool. He would have broken Adachi's heart. He didn't deserve that.

The kiss ended softly, Adachi giving him the smallest, warmest, shakiest smile he'd ever seen as he whispered, "No more 'sorry'. No more calling yourself an idiot, okay? C'mere, I made us breakfast."

"But I always—"

"You deserved the rest. C'mon. You make it better than I do, but I tried real hard. If we both hate it, we can throw it out and call for a pizza."

Souji squinted in amusement, "At ten in the morning?"

Adachi shrugged. "Sure, why the hell not? Oh, I kinda burned the toast," he chuckled as he grabbed the plate and rested it on his lap.

True to his word, the toast was blackened considerably, and the bacon overly crisp. The eggs looked perfect—even better than his! But, something was missing... Souji snickered, before he found himself laughing, doubling over and resting his head on Adachi's shoulder. He could feel the older man pouting.

"Heeey! I tried really hard, and you laugh at me? You wound me, good sir!"

"N-No! No!" Souji looked back up and wheezed between laughs. "Y-You forgot to butter the toast! We can't just have plain, kinda-burnt toast!"

Adachi opened his mouth to object before his brow furrowed in disappointment as he whispered, "I forgot the coffee, too..."

The man quickly slid off the side of the bed and walked back into the kitchen, Souji gasping for air as he flopped onto the mattress, clutching his sides as he couldn't stop laughing. Tears were rolling down his face, and his cheeks were starting to hurt from how much he was smiling. It wasn't even that funny, but he found it hilarious.

He heard Adachi step back into the room, the mattress shifting as he sat back on the bed. He heard Adachi curse and mumble something about water before he felt the man lightly poke his shoulder.

"I don't want you choking on breakfast now. Up, up!"

Souji coughed, taking deep breaths and looking through his blurred vision at his boyfriend. He was an angel. He was _his_ angel. When he calmed down and regained his breathing to semi-normality, Souji slowly sat back up and snatched a piece of toast, now covered in jam and butter and just a tad cold. Taking a bite, he froze immediately at the look Adachi gave him, before he chewed after a moment. A shudder shot up his spine and he had to look away from his boyfriend, staring into the abyss as he chewed the burnt bread. It looked better than it tasted...

He finally managed to swallow the bite and placed the rest of the piece back on the plate, smiling apologetically. There was a short moment before Adachi erupted into laughter.

"The look on your face!" he hollered, and stopped his laughs to apparently do his best imitation of the expression Souji had pulled before his laughter resumed. "If it was that bad, you could have just spit it onto the plate!"

"But that would have been rude!" Souji pouted, and snatched a piece of bacon. He bit it off at the halfway point and froze. It was good like this. It was really, really good like this. It was _really_ good like this. He grabbed the rest of the pieces before Adachi had time to react and scarfed them down, puffing his cheeks out as he talked with his mouth full, "You're making the bacon from now on."

His speech was muffled and he accidentally spat a piece onto Adachi's cheek, and he was unsure if Adachi could even understand what he'd said. He was sure the man had gotten the gist of it, though, and the two found themselves laughing again once he'd swallowed the mouthful of bacon. The rest of the breakfast was filled with more laughs and the two grimacing at the taste of the eggs and coffee, leaving them on the table when they fell back to the middle of the bed and simply held each other.

Silence and calm filled the air, Souji concentrating on Adachi's breathing, the sound of his heartbeat from where he rest his head on the detective's chest. He found his eyes fluttering closed, embracing the atmosphere, calming into the fingers Adachi was brushing through his hair.

"I think I want to talk to my therapist again," he heard himself say. "I'll ask my mom if she can give me some m—"

"You're not gonna ask her for anything."

He lifted his head, glancing at Adachi warily. "Bu—"

"Ssh." Adachi smiled, placing a finger to Souji's lips. "It's okay. I can afford it."

Souji glared, and Adachi's perfect smile faltered into a hesitant, "Okay, maybe not completely, but I'll find a way to do it. We don't need her help."

Souji pushed Adachi's hand away and pouted. "But she has so much money, she'd probably give it to me right away if I just said it was for food. Lots of food. The entire supermarket." He paused, before slinking away from Adachi and sliding off the bed. "I'm gonna go phone her right now and ask for the money to buy a supermarket."

"Hey—w-wait!"

Adachi called after him and Souji bolted, laughing as Adachi was quick to chase him. The two ended up in the living room, Souji squealing as Adachi finally managed to catch him, lifting him up and twirling him around until they collapsed on the couch in a heap. Adachi turned him so they were face to face, and Souji could see his dark eyes were lit up with nothing but life and love. He looked into those gorgeous eyes before closing his own and leaning down for a kiss. It was light and soft—like the whispers of a lullaby.

He broke away after a moment, opening his eyes only for his heart to lurch in panic at the sight of Adachi crying. Adachi must have noticed his sudden panic, because he calmly stroked Souji's cheek, before brushing some stray hair behind his ear.

"I'm here," Adachi whispered, the softest smile encasing his lips. " _You're_ here. We're _both_ here, and we're going to be okay."


End file.
